Friday, January 29, 2016
I swear I am in the weirdest space. I have created this #Gonteekwa world and populated it with a lot of my memories. This one is really coming from the heart in a lot of ways.
Furthermore, my latest epiphany is that I am going hard at this as I analyze my own spiritual upheaval that has been steady heaving since the 90s.
In writing this I get to go through the memory crates. As a missionary, I got to see a lot of behind the scenes stuff. There is a freedom in such circles, because to step out of such a circle and write something like THE GONTEEKWA is to open yourself up to damnation.
"Who woulda thought that black guy with the weird shaved head and the earrings could actually write? And he is telling it as it is! He is actually making fun of people raising their hands, praising the Lord in church. Who woulda thought? Racist Christian me, that's who."
If you were on my fated missions trip to Grenada back in 1987, then you know. You know I'm swan-diving into something you would never dare to look at, let alone, dive into.
With this beast being the center of my meditation, I have a nightmare track continually building in the back of my brain. I constantly dispatch of humans like rag dolls in the back on my mind. Thinking of new ways to maim and hurt. But it has to sound just right. Then I have to wrap my words around the sequence and see if I can recreate the mayhem that I have frozen in my mind. In other words, I have a lot of dark things on my mind, and I am meditating on them.
But not to worry! I am an upbeat guy! I just happen to be writing a horror novel and this is where I find my head: in darkness.
Its like, I am processing the death of my Christian faith, and I am celebrating this death by crafting the story that would have royally messed with me at the peak of my Christian days. I can't help myself.
I'm in the weirdest space.
2016 is the year of the #Gonteekwa.