Tuesday, November 24, 2015


So, we wrote this treatment. We had 7 days to get it together. We got it together. AJ, my writing partner is a warhorse.

The people we submitted it to didn't like it. As I was driving my daughter home from school today, she made it pretty clear to me that our plot was a little too sophisticated for your typical action crowd. Hey, I like action movies. I like the odd heist. I would have loved to have seen this thing developed. This wasn't some sloppy Frankenstein's monster, this was a plot I could get behind. Furthermore, the development into a script would have really smoothed it out. The story is dope. The level of violence injected into this thing was heavy, and I couldn't wait to go heavier.

Understand what we were up against:
The plot had to be titled THE FINAL SCORE. The plot had to do with a STADIUM. We were supposed to work from a roster of actors like JASON STATHAM or DANIEL CRAIG.

I believe that we did good. If there is a weakness, it is that the main character (BYRON) needs a bit of the fleshing out.  That is why this is a treatment and not a full script. Holy smokes, I was ready for it.

Also, there are criminals in this thing that all deserve future development. In fact, I have already started with one grouping. I'm telling you, I get giddy when I think of the potential. Their loss.

 So I was prepared to let it go. But then again we had to sign a contract saying that all of our ideas could very well be replicated "accidentally". With that notion in mind, I am going to post the whole thing here.

Lastly, even though we have signed away on the contract, the contract stipulated that the material had not been published at our time of submission. Now that the submission time is complete, I am publishing it. Why? I am proud of it and I have nothing better to do with it.

Looking forward to seeing what treatment they did actually go with. I guess we'll know next summer.

If you have any questions, feel free to find and contact me. Probably the best bet would be through Twitter.

Here is the treeatment:

                                                                      THE FINAL SCORE

TAGLINE: Byron Templeton, unfairly fired head of stadium security has both a rugby riot and a violent heist to deal with, no matter what the final score is, he is out of a job tomorrow.
PREMISE: On his last day before “retirement,” BYRON TEMPLETON, head of security for the Silver Backs Stadium, stumbles on to a plot to rob the stadium’s proceeds for the championship RUGBY ASSOCIATION CUP. The thieves, disguised as BYRON’s own security men, actually have two targets in sight: The Gate and concessions cash and the CEO’s secret illegal gambling room cash that BYRON himself doesn’t even knows exists. By the time the game is over, BYRON’s attempt to foil the heist has left a trail of dead bodies in his wake, not to mention his own. The money is nowhere to be found. Months later, when the stadium is being rebuilt, the money is pulled from the debris by BYRON and his team. BYRON masterminded the whole thing.
                        THE FINAL SCORE
Treatment by talking magpies (AJ and Peter)

TODAY – An older version of BYRON in a posh hotel bedroom.  A woman is obscured in the sheets of the bed behind him. He opens up a Wikipedia Page, “SBU HEIST 2005.”
MAY 2005 GAME DAY - As the final R A CUP Silver Backs United vs Cronies game is about to start all hooligans are rowdy, drinking and ready for trouble. Massive amounts of beer have been consumed. Police in riot gear are everywhere searching lines of fans as they enter the stadium. The crowd is thick.  The air is electric. The seats are packed. BYRON TEMPLETON (Jason Statham - A fit man in his mid-to late 40s), head of stadium security, checks in with the riot police and has them shift their positioning. If it is going to explode, it is coming from the SBU and Cronies hooligan sections behind the goals on the right and left sides of the field. The SBU Hooligans throw beer cans and debris out on the field. Game start is delayed while they clean up the debris. Some Hooligans jump to the field and brawl. The police chase them off. The air is tense.

MARCH 2005 - BYRON, security chief for the Silver Backs United (SBU) Football team is two months from being “retired.” His boss, Mr. ELKES, SBU CEO (Michael Ironsides - An overweight, cigar-chomping man in his 60s), harshly fires BYRON. No severance pay. BYRON is no longer employed or welcome, effective at the end of the season, two months from now.

The night before, a handful of die-hard SBU hooligans smuggled baseball bats into the previous night’s championship match and hospitalized several Cronies fans. Retaliation talk is all over the news.

Mr. ELKES needs a scapegoat to be in place for the rest of the season, immediately. BYRON has been pre-emptively blamed. 

BYRON sees the chaos that’s coming. The rivalry between SBU fans and Cronies fans has led to bar brawls and drunken street fights throughout Upton Park. There have also been stabbings. The violence is escalating to unprecedented levels. The potential for a full-blown sports riot is in the air. BYRON knows that the last game is going to be an explosive situation. Extra police are being flown in. This is going to cost somebody, bigtime. BYRON just has to keep the stadium secure until and through the final game.
BYRON leaves Mr. ELKE’s office dejected. BYRON passes by STELLA (Courteney Cox  - A pretty, dark-haired, mid-forties bookworm who is visibly shy) who works in the main gate money room. “Not good, eh?” she asks. “I don’t worry about me. I worry about my mother.” BYRON says.  STELLA looks down and says nothing.
MAY 2005 GAME DAY - As the crowd settles for the game to begin, DAVIS (Eric Bana – A large man who hunches his shoulders), a maintenance worker, makes his way with a mop to a back passage. The hall is parallel to a VIP room that sells hotdogs and accepts illegal bets on the game. DAVIS opens up a caged secure area, walks to the end of it, and cuts a hole in the drywall exposing a Pneumatic tube pipe. He then hangs a large, canvas sack against the pipe. Directly above the bag he hacksaws a hole in the tubing and drills in a bolt at such an angle that the delivery tubes are ejected into the bag instead of going to their tubular destination. DAVIS waits to make sure that the tubes land securely before exiting the passage and locking the cage door behind him. DAVIS exits a maintenance closet and goes back to mopping.

GAME DAY KICK OFF. The game begins with typical R A CUP fanfare and the Silver Backs progress with an immediate score. The teams are so amped that they are both playing some fantastic Rugby. The Cronies fire back with a score of their own. Appearances are looking good on the exterior of the stadium, and the crowd has been relatively peaceful.

BYRON enters the Gate/Concessions money room to check on STELLA. BYRON has a gut feeling that something today is going to go wrong.  He discretely gives STELLA a .38, "To protect yourself, remember, BRASS: Breathe, relax, aim, squeeze and shoot. It will save your life."  He leaves and she sighs and puts the gun in her desk.

Next, BYRON checks behind the scenes. He patrols the food storage area before moving on to maintenance supplies. While passing the cage he hears something. BYRON opens the cage with his skeleton key and finds DAVIS’s hole in the wall bolt and the bag of ejected tubes. One of them missed the bag and lies on the floor. BYRON opens the contents to find a thousand pounds in large bills. He closes it, placing it in the bag before making his way back to the closet, locking the cage door and exiting back to the game.

At the same time CARL (Steve Zahn - an obnoxious tough guy), ADAM (Chris Pine – A hulking, swaggering rugby player), HAMMERSCHMIT (Walton Goggins- A screw-loose psychopath), and four muscular henchmen in security uniforms are cleared to pass the initial security check to enter the stadium. They make their way to the back rooms waving security passes through all check points and finally storm the Gate/Concessions money room.

SBU star-player FREDERICK accidentally scores against his team and all hell breaks loose on the field The players from the SBU and the Cronies break into fisticuffs. Hooligans pour onto the field and join in. People get seriously hurt. FREDERICK and other players punch and push their way through the fracas. The riot police try to calm the crowd. Violence has broken out in the stands. It is spilling through the stadium. Fists are flying and bodies are being thrown about. Bleeding hooligans tend to their wounds on the sidelines. “The police don’t look like they will have control of the situation any time soon,” says the British announcer.

When CARL, ADAM and their team bust through the door of the Main Gate Cash Room, STELLA shrieks and is too afraid to reach for or use the .38, which is hidden in her desk within her reach. The Security that is in the room stands down, outnumbered. They are zip-tied and kicked to the floor. CARL holds STELLA at gunpoint and begins to rifle through the area organizing the cash haul.  After quickly counting up a considerable amount of dough CARL and company realize, “Where’s all the money, this is only a few hundred grand.” CARL looks up. There are four accountants lined up against the wall. They are all frail and bespectacled. CARL steps toward them.

Meanwhile, BYRON returns from his rounds to Security head office and sees that CARL and co. have cut the video feed CCTV. He fills ELKES in on the issues he has observed, omitting the money chute. ELKES thanks BYRON for the information. He is visibly nervous.

CARL stands by while HAMMERSCHMIDT and the four musclebound thugs beat the four accountants to death, one at a time. Throwing them about the room and breaking furniture, all while demanding the whereabouts of the real money. ADAM tries to intervene, and is roughed up by one of the henchmen. The accountants obviously don’t know. Their deaths are wasteful and unnecessary. STELLA is now the only staff member in the Gate Money Room that is still alive. During the beatings she witnessed, she gathered courage enough to reach for the gun BYRON gave her and hide it in her belt.

When asked at gunpoint, STELLA, gives up the secret Gambling Money Room where illegal bets are taken. CARL, ADAM and HAMMERSCHMIDT have STELLA lead the way and leave the rest of the crew in the Gate Money Room. As CARL and his group move through the back passageways they regret splitting up the team.

Anticipating a full-on brawl, they burst into the Gambling Money Room and it turns out to be several elderly women counting large piles of cash with state of the art counting machines. CARL and ADAM secure the room, and begin consolidating all of the cash on one table.  It’s a very small haul. Where is the big cash? Word on the street is that the game is fixed in favor of the Cronies, but there should still be considerably more dough than this in the oven.

Then ADAM finds the wall-safe, massive, behind a tapestry. HAMMERSCMHIDT sets explosives that he always carries on gigs, “Just in case.”

STELLA asks them why they don't just open it, Mr. ELKES combination is in his office, it’s in the upper right corner of the left drawer of his desk.

ADAM volunteers to get it. He runs several halls to ELKE’s office. CARL looks at HAMMERSCHMIDT, neither really trust ADAM, and HAMMERSCHMIDT tosses a grenade to CARL “Just in case.” CARL tears after ADAM to make sure everything goes well in ELKE’s office.

TWO YEARS AGO - In 2003 ADAM FREEMASON and FREDERICK SAXON, both top players for SBU, were caught with performance enhancing drugs in their systems. ELKES bribed the profit-hungry members of The National Rugby Board and they in turn, chose not to suspend both players. If both players were suspended from the top team in the league, the season would be thrown. FREDERICK refused to negotiate. ADAM got the 3 year suspension, and FREDERICK was allowed to continue playing. It destroyed their friendship.

BACK TO THE HEIST: BYRON enters Gambling Money Room room with back up security and they confront HAMMERSCMIDT and the four musclebound men. STELLA hits the floor. BYRON, under attack, viciously gouges and impacts his way through the four muscle men out with his krav maga fighting skills. BYRON then attacks HAMMERSCMIDT. This is a protracted, violent fight that completely destroys the room, and several digits of HAMMERSCMIDT’s right hand. When BYRON finally breaks HAMMERSCHMIDT’s neck, he is completely exhausted. STELLA makes her presence known and tells BYRON that CARL has taken off after ADAM who is headed to ELKE’s office.

ELKES, from elsewhere in the stadium, starts calling BYRON on his cellphone. ELKES wants an update. BYRON states that the Gate Money Room is secure but there is no money, and no one in the room. ELKES realizes out loud, “Shit, they’re hitting the gambling room.” BYRON, then asks “What gambling room?”

At this point in the game, Frederick brutally head-butts one of the Cronies and the crowd goes wild. It is as if FREDERICK is obstinately trying to ruin the final game. FREDERICK gets red-carded. BYRON rushes out of the Gate Money Room to find rich mobsters, and several young upstart pop stars from the expensive box seats calling their uniformed security for safe passage out of the violent stadium. The physical fights between SBU fans and Cronies fans has turned into a pulsing mob and blocks the escape route for the box-seat holders. The private box-seat security detail, in official uniforms, beat on some of the fans to clear a path. This is seen as a police attack by the hooligans and there is a new surge against the police throughout the stadium. The throng of hooligans gets through the security detail and beat on several of the rich box-seat fans, with specific focus on the swaggering pop stars. It’s a total free for all.

ADAM, intent on securing the combination to the safe, has entered Mr. ELKE’s office, and has been tearing the desk apart, looking for it. ELKES walks in and realizes ADAM is searching his office. He turns to run and ADAM holds a gun he’s found in ELKE’s desk. 
“Remember when you put me on suspension?”
ELKES stalls, “That was the boards’ decision.”
ADAM shakes his head, “I blame you. It’s so crazy out there that today I can get away with this.” ADAM shoots ELKES in the left thigh. ELKES drops to the floor, and drags himself away from ADAM.
“I also know you are in on the ripoff. This means you know about what happened to the accountants. This is for them.” ADAM then shoots ELKES in his right leg, the back of the knee. ELKES lets a tiny, high pitched scream out, and tries to crawl more. The tears are running down his cheeks. He’ll never walk properly again.
Payback time.
“Ooops. Give me the combination to the safe and I might forget who was at fault.”

TWO WEEKS AGO - With no savings, BYRON’s finances have officially fallen apart. BYRON, recently divorced, made $150,000 a year. He has no union, no pension, and no more benefits. How will he cover his in-patient, cancer-ridden mother’s treatment? All that will have to change, now that ELKES’s has fired him.

While at the hospital, BYRON and his mother talk about GEORGIE (Topher Grace – A squirrelly, obnoxious guy). GEORGIE is BYRON’s wayward brother, and he’s been missing for a week. BYRON knows that GEORGIE owes a lot of money for a drug deal that went sideways. A lot of money went missing. There were questions.

BYRON sleuths in his free time, checking GEORGIE’s old haunts because he is sure he is still alive and in town. BYRON leaves a message for DAVIS, GEORGIE’s best friend, who is head janitor in the offices at the Stadium.

BYRON soon traces GEORGIE down to a thug named CARL. BYRON muscles his way into CARL’s warehouse. CARL threateningly tells BYRON that he owns GEORGIE and GEORGIE’s debt now. GEORGIE is also running up a heroin tab at CARL’s house so CARL has had GEORGIE “do things” in order to cover the expenses. CARL says that BYRON can buy GEORGIE out of his debt for a half a million pounds. BYRON is then thrown out of the warehouse by CARL’s muscular goons. BYRON places another missed call with DAVIS.

BYRON, depressed, hits his favorite bar for a drink. He observes SBU star-player FREDERICK SAXON, partying hard with the bar-owner and local underworld king MOSES (MOE) THE MAN-HANDLER (Mickey Rourke – A well-built older man that can handle himself). BYRON eavesdrops and hears MOE blackmail FREDERICK over his cocaine use. MOE then promises FREDERICK 100,000 pounds to throw the final game of the Football Association Cup. If FREDERICK can help to achieve the FINAL SCORE of 30 to 20, he’ll receive triple the amount he is being offered. Whatever the case, SBU has to lose the Rugby World Cup. FREDERICK heads to the can. MOE calls ELKES and tells him the fix is on.

ADAM FREEMASON, suspended-SBU player, purposefully shoulder-checks FREDERICK SAXON at the bar, they meet eyes and leave the bar to take a walk. FREDERICK thinks that ADAM might have heard the blackmail talk. ADAM might have heard about FREDERICK’s plan to sabotage the upcoming game. FREDERICK, however, owes ADAM for refusing to negotiate at the suspension board-meeting. FREDERICK knows ADAM is almost out of money, and tells him he has found a way to make up for what he owes him: to “make it right.”

BYRON follows both athletes to a coffee shop where ADAM and FREDERICK meet DAVIS whose face has been beaten to a pulp. DAVIS explains around a chipped tooth that he was pistol-whipped by CARL. CARL also told DAVIS he can “buy his boyfriend GEORGIE back” for half a million pounds. BYRON, eavesdropping, finds the confirmation about GEORGIE shocking, and he is visibly shaken.

BYRON listens on. It turns out that the stadium is going to be demolished and rebuilt next summer. Before security goes completely high tech, DAVIS explains, they could get a small crew of 10 guys together, and rob the Main Gate Cash they might score at least half a million pounds. DAVIS always daydreamed of robbing the Stadium and has just learned where the illegal gambling room is. It’s assumed to be heavily guarded so they’ll need someone with muscle to handle this room. DAVIS knows a woman, a professional, with a team of high-end muscle, she runs them like her own personal action-figures. They will be perfect for the job. If DAVIS can bring CARL in on the heist, he knows he can get GEORGIE out of debt. FREDERICK has an idea of a diversion for their escape. BYRON stops eavesdropping, and makes his presence known. He sagely reminds them where their loyalties are (The SBU and the sport of rugby) and to remain true to themselves.
BACK TO THE HEIST: CARL, has taken a wrong turn and is disoriented, running through the stadium through a chaotic concession area. He uses a walkie-talkie to try and contact ADAM.

ADAM is in the middle of ruthlessly beating and throwing ELKES around his own office. Radio-silence from ADAM makes CARL panic. CARL radios for two of his henchmen to meet him, once he determines where ELKES’ office is.

In the office, ADAM is still negotiating with ELKES for the combination to the safe. ELKES screams that he was not responsible for ADAM’s being caught doping. He whimpers that FREDERICK may not have been as valuable a player but he was less of a liability. ADAM swings ELKES above his head towards the ceiling and lets ELKES drop to the desk. ELKES offers a slip of paper with the safe combination. ADAM thanks him but he is committed to finishing the job. He punches ELKES in the face, systematically, with dead-eyed indifference till ELKES is unrecognizable and dead. ADAM wipes his knuckles off and exits. There are maniacal fans running everywhere. Someone is on fire. ADAM returns to the safe room, running into CARL and the henchmen on the way. 

There is a strong surge of police presence. Helicopters hover above and military are lowered into the field. Rows and rows of zip-tied fans and hooligans are lined up on the stadium field. Multiple vans remove those being arrested. Soon, throughout the stadium, some semblance of order has been created. The riot police and common sense have won out.

TWO DAYS AGO - STELLA and BYRON lie in bed and playfully argue about the virtues of Barbados versus Mexico.  The tone is wishful thinking. They joke about the policy of not dating fellow employees.

NEWS FLASH on television at the end of the bed:
The SBU have won their latest game against the Cronies and the teams are tied in the series for the R A Cup. Whoever wins the next game takes the trophy. However, there was a violent Cronies riot after the game. The police marched and used tear gas and rubber bullets. Multiple fans and police were hospitalized. Several police cars were flipped and burned by rowdy Cronies fans.

Ticket prices are slated to double in price, for the last game. The news is delivered, publically on television by ELKES, who is the public fall-guy for the team’s owners. The news is ablaze with the potential violence that could break out if the Cronies win. Reserve police officers are being flown in from all around the country. Police warn fans of potential violence. But the games must go on.

TWO DAYS AGO. ELKES, who’s had some heavy coaching from MOE, is still on the fence and wants to know how the word got on the street that the game is fixed. The big plan is that the Final Score will be 20 to 30 in favor of the Cronies. Bets have been coming in favoring the fix. MOE tells ELKES that a member of CARL’s heist crew may have let the news slip to some of his musclehead, merc friends at the gym. (Yes, CARL brought MOE in on the heist and MOE brought it back to ELKES.) However, the mob fix is locked in. Regardless of the numbers it’s a win-win situation. Another piece of the pie is that ELKES makes up for any loses with his fat robbery-insurance policy.  

BACK TO THE HEIST: BYRON is in a brutal fight with CARL’s two henchmen. BYRON beats them both to death with his bare hands in front of a crowd of onlookers near a concessions stand. There are several riot police who have taken notice. BYRON runs at ADAM and brings him down. ADAM fumbles with BYRON, who gets up and runs away. CARL and ADAM both turn and race to the Gambling Money room to escape the police, and take a crack at the safe.
CARL and ADAM run one way and BYRON uses his skeleton key on the first interconnected-office door he can find. Who will reach STELLA and the money first?
STELLA hears someone coming down the corridor and points the .38 at the door. When BYRON comes in and STELLA sees it’s him she says, “Oh it’s you.” CARL plows into the room directly after BYRON. Six policemen enter the room in riot gear immediately behind CARL. CARL turns and opens fire on the police, before crouching behind a desk. STELLA has her gun, but crouches to the floor, dropping it. As the gunfight continues, Money, papers and blood flecks fly through the air. CARL pulls the pin from the grenade HAMMERSCHMIDT handed him and lobs it into the center of the remaining officers. The blast is small but strong enough to rip the drywall off the walls and blow part of the room out. Bodies hit the floor, some covering STELLA with dead weight. Unable to stand she looks across to see BYRON’s unmoving on the floor.
Because the grenade exploded at the end of several lengthy cement passageways, the blast is relatively contained and causes no alarm among the officers patrolling that area of the stadium.
Meanwhile the violence has settled throughout the stadium. The crowds are orderly. The last minutes of the game go on. The Silver Backs United win the series and everyone realizes the game wasn't fixed. MOE got the FINAL SCORE he wanted but with Silver Backs winning.

A larger explosion shakes the stadium, the explosives that HAMMERSCHMIT put on the safe. By the time the police find its source, and security realizes that the robbers got away scot-free, there is no trace of the money except what was burnt in the final shootout/blast.

The fire in the illegal money room had been huge. There are wounded and dead bodies all over the stadium. Several witnesses (including STELLA) state to the police that BYRON was attacked and killed during the rioting. There were bodies burnt beyond recognition in the illegal money room. On paper, BYRON is dead. The stadium exits its patrons peacefully. 

THREE MONTHS LATER.  The stadium is demolished, blown to bits and a construction crew clears away debris. A floor is pulled open by four men and several large bags are removed and placed into a van. Once inside the van, ADAM, BYRON, FREDERICK, DAVIS, STELLA and GEORGIE are ready to celebrate their newfound fortune.

The old man, reading the SBU Heist 2005 Wikipedia page, opens the option to edit the page.  It reads that upwards of 8 million pounds were stolen, BYRON changes it to “an unknown amount.”
STELLA pokes her head up from under the sheets in the background. She makes her way forward to read what older BYRON is doing. Then she realizes, familiarly.
“Why do you change that every time they adjust it? You can’t change all the facts. Someone can look it up somewhere else.” She says.
FLASHBACK: WHEN CARL, ADAM and BYRON race to the safe room, BYRON evasively hits the floor seconds before the shootout takes place, finding as much cover as possible. STELLA hits the ground too, safe. After the grenade blast, BYRON unlocks the wall safe with the combination that he took from ADAM when he tackled him. BYRON and STELLA both pull up the floorboards in the center of the room and push the money bags in. BYRON then stacks furniture from the room directly above the flooring housing the money. BYRON changes into civilian clothes, and puts on a tight, low-fitting ballcap. Then STELLA sets a makeshift timer on the wall-safe with a flare she finds on one of the dead officers. Outside of what is left of the office, they find ADAM, who is now dressed as a police officer in riot gear. ADAM escorts them from the crime scene. Elsewhere, DAVIS unlocks the cage door, enters, and slings the swollen canvas bag over his shoulder like Santa Clause. He re-locks the cage and dumps the contents into a 35 gallon trashcan with a lid on a dolly. He wheels it away, whistling.

BARBADOS: “I like to have some control over the final score.” Byron answers.