Friday, January 14, 2011

My GOLDFISH KILLAS

I cleaned the fishes tanks last night. Lots of scrubbing and a few filter changes. Matt, the survivor, was irritated with me being in his space, and swooped up to taste/nip me a few times.

Here is a text session between me and my wife (she was cleaning house in prep for the weekend):


Her: I dunno but I am kicking filth's ass,

Me: I did that for los pescados unidos last night. No flip off-fins for me today. The water gangsters are happy.

Her: How can you tell?

Me: They turned their backs on me and ate their food. No whining. No bubbles. No lewd gestures with thier genitalia.

Her: What genitalia?

Me: You obviously haven't been on the bad side of these fish. Did you know that they can mouth the word "motherfucker?"

Her: I did not know that.

Me: Water gangsters, dude. I knew I was in trouble when I was watching PIRANHA at my desk and I turned around and they were all jockeying for better viewing positions.

Her: Oh for heavensake.

Me: I don't know where they got their little grills. I think it is just one pair that they pass around, but the little buggers nipped me hard last night while I was cleaning. I didn't want to scare Illy, so I bled silently and alone.

Her: really?!

Me: Water gangsters dude. I pulled my arm out in shock. They all looked up at me like, "Human, you'd better not say shit." I only feel safe texting you right now. I don't think that they can read this.

Her: Your rediculous.

Me: Its not me, its those damn fish.

Her: right.


It goes on. But I am sure you get the gist. My fish are currently swimming in a WESTSIDE formation. Total water gangsters, dude.