Thursday, March 29, 2007

HANDLED

(guess which voice is mine)

hello all
all BS aside here is my little speech
I work for Blockbuster and have been tasked with signing up people to
the blockbuster version of netflix, now i am not having a very good week
so my numbers are not where they need to be so i am posting on movie, dvd fansite boards the offer that blockbuster has....
THIS IS A FREE 2 WEEK TRIAL MEMBERSHIP
visit the website www.blockbuster.com/total
enter the promo code 36086b
start selecting movies that will be mailed right to your home
then return those movies to a blocbuster store (over 4000 participating)
and they will give you a free rental just for returning an online rental to the
store.
now if you like the program fine, keep going they have different plans
some as cheap as $5.99 but if you don't want to pay then don't cancel the
membership before the 2 weeks are up. It tells you when it will start billing (look under the my account tab) so cancel before that date. Thanks for reading.


Fred, sorry you are having a bad week. But dude, you are in the wrong business. Read on:

Hi, I am here to say FOK BLOCKBUSTER ONLINE.

I signed up for that shit when it first started and the DVDs took at least a week to arrive. Stuff got lost in the mail and I never got what I wanted. They chased me around for weeks for a DVD that they lost in their warehouse. Then, 4 weeks later, they told me that they had found the DVD...after stretching me and making me feel like I had actually done something wrong.

EVERYTHING THAT NETFLIX DOES RIGHT, BLOCKBUSTER DOES WRONG.

I was a die-hard Blockbuster customer and I paid more than my share of late fees, but I was willing to do the online jump.

I am being honest here when I am telling you that I had no idea a big company could screw it up as much as they screwed it up.

Then, after 3 months of nonstop Blockbuster BS, I jumped to Netflix. That's right. I threw the Netflix switch in the rental machine.

*Bliss*

All the sins that I accuse Blockbuster of are not apparent with Netflix. 2 day turnaround. I lose a movie? They mention that I shouldn't do it again and send me another one. I have peace of mind, and I get what I want, when I want it.

I don't even fokkin look at the Blockbuster when I drive by anymore. I don't care what their sales are, and I don't care what they give me out of the gate for me to sign-up. Blockbuster fumbled the ball. They had the world as their oyster and they soured their customer base by going OFF with the late fees and other overpriced bullshit. I am not the only one who feels this way. BLOCKBUSTER HURT THEIR CUSTOMER BASE BY CHASING THE DOLLAR TOO HARD. In their chasing of the dollar, they became inhuman. I put up with their inhumanity for a bit, but I eventually PEACED THEM BITCHES OUT.

FOK BLOCKBUSTER.

WOTTA JOKE.

You can buy previously viewed DVDs from Netflix CHEAPER than you can through BLOCKBUSTER.

BLOCKBUSTER is about making up ALL OF THAT CASH THEY LOST when people like me jumped ship.

Too late for you to let me slide on those late fees eh? FOK JOO.

Monday, March 26, 2007

I knew most of this stuff already

But it is still a good student film.

cut y paste:

http://www.sedentario.org/galerias/tarantinos-mind-curta-metragem/

CURDLED sucked BTW.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Roller Balls



As a kid being raised on the Central Coast, I used to long for the Boardwalk. Unfortunately it was a solid 60+ miles away and expensive as anything.
I used to watch those commercials on tv and know that I was missing something. I freaking was. The arcade was top of the line. The rides were above anything that ever blew through Monterey, and it was in a lot of ways more fun than Great America; which was further up the road.
The key of it all was the Giant Dipper though. I dig that sucker. It is old school. Wooden. You can also look at the bay as you get ready to make your first drop. No loop-de-loops, just straight old-school rolling and clanking at what seems to be about 60mph. That ride has always seemed manly as hell to me. It is the clicket-clack. The balls. The all-out grandiosity of the spectacle. It is something that you need to go through if you live here.
So, enter 2007. I now live in Santa Cruz. I also have a season pass to the Boardwalk. So do Yzzy and Ivan. Luther isn't quite there yet.
Today was Ivan's first serious roller coaster ride. The Giant Dipper of course.
Imparting the first roller coaster ride is something a father should do. It is manly. It is up there with first bikeride, first R-rated film and I dunno, maybe first cigar.
My father used to take Casson and I to Magic Mountain every now and then. We would wait forever for a ride on the Colossus. We would also ride the Revolution. Apparently, the Revolution is the roller coaster that wrecks in the movie, "Rollercoaster." Speaking of the movie, I saw that with Casson and my father in sensurround in LA back when I was a kid too. After I got out of college, I made a pact with myself to only read crappy literature to counter all of the so-called "good" literature I had been force-immersed into. I picked up the novelization of the movie "Rollercoaster" and read it in one evening. DOPE AS HELL.
Yeah, the clickety-clack of a roller-coaster runs that deep.
It was good to see Ivan bouncing around (I sat behind him and Yz). He disappeared at a point or two, sinking into his seat below my eyeshot. He later told me that his pants had unbuckled and he was adjusting his fly, mid-ride. Balls, man. The kid has 'em. It was good to hear the excitement in their voices as they stumbled out. It was also good to swoop the picture downstairs that they wanted to sell for just a mere testicle with my camera-phone.
Ivan isn't out of the woods yet. He got off and countered all of that grown-up roller coaster trash with a helicopter ride and a cheesy car ride with no steering wheel in the kiddie zone. But I think that the little fella is well on his way.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Ferdie for sale





1970 VW Camper Hooptie for sale
I was so freakin Hyped by what I put on Craigslist that I am dropping the text here.


Checkit:


Date: 2007-03-16, 3:11PM PDT1970 VW Westfalia.


Ferdinand is a Canadian vehicle, I drove her out of the North myself. This van is the Millenium Falcon. She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. I have had this vehicle for almost 15 years. I have receipts going back to the early 90s.


New rebuilt engine with about 4000 miles on it. (just had the valves checked, good to go).

New Clutch (same time as engine)

Decent tires

New Battery

Daily driver

New ignition and starter

No need to worry about smogging her, she gets a pass


Things you should know:


*I got hit in her about 10 years ago, and that is the primer job in the pic. It was only bodywork, nothing else.


*The pop-top works, there is a minor tear. It is totally habitable (my kids lived in it last summer while I got the engine together).


*The cancer is spreading. It is visible in the pics and I will show you more if you come to check her out. She needs body work, or she needs her guts and spirit placed into a more decent body.


*I drive her about 100 miles a day. Highway miles, none of that start and stop trash.


*She would be a great project car for a student, or for someone who already has a Westfalia and needs to tighten their game.


*Front 2 seat belts work. The back has two that work as well.


*There is a gas heater. I have never used the thing, but there are ways to heat her over the winter.


*Windshield has taken a few dings. No cracks, just dings. They actually look like bulletholes, but they are not holes.


*I have personally gone through stages of living in this thing. This is a room on wheels. I have camped up and down the Northern coast in her.


*You are never going to be in a hurry in Ferdinand. She does 70 mph on the highway, and that is about it.


*Rear left corner panel took a crunch about 12 years ago. Not major damage, but there nonetheless.


*Hit me up and I will send you pics of whatever you need to see in regards to her.


Dear Lord, there is a lot of history with this vehicle. I could tell you stories for days. I am going to miss her.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

BIF DEMMON





(*note: click on the pic if you ain't up to the squint)

My father used to have this reprint paperback on his shelf with the best of Creepy Magazine in it. Once he directed me to one of the stories in it. This story was about some guy named Bif Demmon who was a great hunter. Bif goes head to head with a werewolf at the end. Beautiful stuff. As a punk kid, I registered 2 things: Frank Frazetta art and comic books.

It later became the holy grail for me to get my hands on the actual issue. Research later proved that the issue in question was Creepy #1.

Casson and I chased it down for years and eventually gave it to my father for father's day one year. Recently, I pried the story from him about it all. It is a fun one. Apparently he had this roomate who was a little on the fanboy side. This guy actually had a homemade Superman suit in the bathroom of their apartment at one point.

Time wore on, they went their separate ways. Thing was that this guy was an artist, and was connected to Frank Frazetta. Turn of favors and consequences, and this guy eventually writes my father into this story that showed up in Creepy #1 (I'm talking about the early '70s, people). The story is dope. It is basic. It is the standard "you killed the monster, so now you are the monster" fare. But I dig it.

Boo on blogspot for not letting me post all panels of the thing. I will put the last panel up and back-time it so it shows up right after this post.

Bif Demmon FTW.

Last Bif Panel



Sorry they are so small. But whatever, you get the point.

AVATAR



This is one of the dopest cartoons I have ever watched. The only thing that tops this out is DONALD'S DREAM VOICE when he gets the Ajax voice pills and is coherent for about 3 minutes.

DONALD DUCK>ALL

But if I am lounging on a Saturday morning, Avatar ain't bad. Plus, this Airbending bastard has my kid's interests piqued.


Donald Duck (classic, mind you) didn't haunt the Saturday AM schedule when I was a kid. It is unfortunate. I was gobbling up Hanna Barbera slop whenever I got the chance. If something as cool as the Avatar had been on TV, I might have become a nuclear physician or something.

Ivan, the Beautiful Badass



He's charming, and he will kick your ass. He came at me the other day with a stick. Of course I had to toss him into a coma, but the day is coming when I will just have to take whatever beating he has in store for me.

He is also one of the funniest people I know. He and I have watched all the Star Wars movies together more times than all of you put together. So much so, that he can do things like this:

ADMIRAL AKBAR in Return of the Jedi: ALL CRAFT, prepare to enter hyperspace on my mark!

The Eyeball Translation: "Oh CRAP! Prepare to enter hyperspace on my mark!

The changeup is genius.

His tongue is already quick enough to draw blood. Just wait till he gets older.

I took the clippers to his head the other day. Now he looks like a UFC champ.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

7 minute Swipe

I'll have a better copy up later.

I am talking about the Spiderman 3 trailer that will own you.

A homie has promised the actual nbc.com rip. *edit* SCROLL DOWN



Check it out:

It is up for download. FOK NBC and their 24 hour window.

PULL IT HERE:

http://uneasysilence.com/archive/2007/03/9844/

Credit where credit is due:

Since NBC must stand for No Broadband Connections - Download a mirror of the 720p Spiderman Trailer on us.

If you link to the file, please provide credit and use the following link: http://uneasysilence.com/Spiderman3_720p.mov

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Ghost Rider: a conversation



Ghost Rider. I was mildly hyped for the pelicula. I hate Nic Cage with a passion that rivals my hatred of...say...you know what? I think Nic Cage gets the absolute brunt of my hate. Well, it is not actually hate, it is a strong dislike and...anyway. Ghost Rider. The number one movie in the nation. It was an unfortunate series of circumstances that stopped me from seeing it on release day. I had hopes. I mean Peter Fonda was up in there. I thought that the Peter Fonda thing was funny because of the Easy Rider thing. But now is bitter post-coital post-cinema afterglow, I think that Dennis Hopper would have been better.

What I am trying to say here is that I pirated a copy of the Ghost Rider and watched it on this very laptop I am typing into now. The pirated copy was dope. [Digression] It seems that the harder the RIAA cracks down on piracy, the better the rips become. RIAA. Puh-leese. [Digression #2] The reason why there is rampant piracy of films like this one and stuff like THE HITCHER (another laptop showing) is because movies suck so hard these days. [Digression #3] If Ghost Rider and THE HITCHER were decent flicks, they would get the piracy and the ticket sales. I get into the fact that Ghost Rider is the #1 movie in America later. [Digression #4] I will say that I have started a "desktop showing of [put a decent movie title here]," and then stopped halfway through to go and see the thing in the theatre. I am a pirate with a conscience. If it is good, they will get my money. I have Snakes on a Plane in DVD format, but I also have an illegal rip of it on my laptop, because I don't feel like carrying the DVD everywhere. But that is another digression.

Ghost Rider sucked. It sucked hard. The effects were top tier though. Enclosed is an online conversation that I had that sums it up pretty good. Once again, I am the Muphukka:

Muphukka: I DL'ed it and scrolled through the money shots last night. It is amazing how much they spent on this thing and how fucked up it is. SO much wasted talent. Sam Elliot is better than this. Peter Fonda is better too. Nic Cage is not, because he tends to act in shitty movies.

I watched it for free and I feel ripped off.

The best scene was the emo chick describing how GR's head was aflame.

Jrtien: I watched Ghost Rider last night, and even though I heard it had bad reviews I really, really enjoyed it. The movie had really good sfx (which is expected) and the story was pretty entertaining. I also liked that they seemed to stay pretty faithful to the story of Ghost Rider.
Out of all the superheroes I think Ghost Rider is one of the most broken, because he just seems unbeatable if his opponent has a soul.
Anyway though I didn't see anyone mention this movie on here so I thought I would. If you like monsters, motorcycles, and a woman so fine that you'll be thinking about her long after the credits, then check it out.

Muphukka: RIding up and down the side of the building and pwning the helicopter was worth the download.

So was Mendez by the way.

The rest of the movie sucked Prairie nuts.

Jrtien:I think a lot of people forget why you go to the movies sometimes. It's to enjoy it! We're all critics, but sometimes being too critical is a bad thing.

What get's me though is that people seemed to go much easier on the shitty Superman movie. Ghostrider kicked ass compared to that. Superman was like watching one of the old movies. Nothing cool really happenned, and his enemyies didn't even have powers. Worst of all he wore metro-sexual boots. That messed the whole thing up.

If you couldn't appreciate Punisher, then it just shows that you can't appreciate a decent story. Punisher went above and beyond my expectations...

Muphukka:WHat were you expecting? Complete shit?

Jrtien:Why don't you tell me what's wrong with it?

Muphukka: For starters: THE DIALOGUE.

Completely wack.

COMPLETELY.

Mephistopholes: "Your father will be healthy as a horse."
(Just about everything that Peter Fonda had to say was completely wack.)

next morning

Old Man:"I feel healthy as a horse."

GR: "You're pissing me off."

Please don't request more of this. I can remember this, but I will have to pull the file out of my recycle bin if you want to split hairs on this issue.


DIALOGUE SUCKS COMPLETE DICK IN THIS FLICK.

Rebuttal? Then I will go to another part of this absolute suckfest.

Keep in mind that I felt the FX were top of the muphukkin line.

Jrtien: I think you just expected a little too much out of it. It was meant to have a certain amount of corniness too it. I mean who watches, or reads Ghost Rider for the dialogue? I think we were lucky to get what we did...
I started getting annoyed with him pointing at Mephisto all the time, but after a minute I liked it. Why? Because it's corny. When a hero acts corny as fuck, and then kicks a villains ass it's like rubbing salt into their open wounds. I think it was meant to be that way...
If you've seen Fist of The North star you'll see it too, but in a different way. Every episode the guy gets pissed and flex/rips his shirt, and jacket to fuck, then kills the villain making a bunch of silly ass Bruce Lee noises "Wataaah!" Next scene he's wearing the exact same shirt, and jacket, and there is no logical reason for it. Corny as hell, but when you get over it, you can smile a bit and get a kick out of it.

Muphukka: I appreciate your take on "campiness for campiness' sake." I honestly was mentally prepped for something a little more serious. Like you said, I expected too much out of it. If it had been marketed as a "horror comedy" or something, then maybe it would have done better with me. Nic Cage has an Academy Award for fux sake, I was expecting something better.

But then again, it is the #1 movie in America. This means one of 2 things:

#1. There is some actual merit to this thing
or
#2. We as a filmgoing public have lowered our standards to a point where we praise absolute shit.

I keep on pulling for #1, but #2 is staring me in the face, brutally.

I find what you said about the Punisher interesting. What I appreciated about the Punisher was the one scene where he got his ass totally tossed by that Russian. You know, the barrel of his gun gets bent and he flies through walls and then down the stairs? That was the scene that did it for me. The rest of the film was a wash IMO. Ghost Rider has the same sort of feel. The ride to the top of the skyscraper, the helicopter pwnage and the subsequent cop pwnage at the bottom are the money for me. The rest is dismissable.

It is kind of like getting a CD with only 1 or 2 good songs on it. There are 60-80 minutes of music that you just can't deal with...but there are those beats in that one song that you cue up again and again and again.


I haven't seen FIST OF THE NORTH STAR in...fok...more than 5 years. Perhaps I should fire it up to draw the parallel that you speak of.

I think I am gonna go see that racist-assed Black Snake Moan tonight. I'll be back.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I am itching






I left my friend Matt's house the other day itchy. It wasn't a physical itch (like between the toes), it was a psychological itch that I just couldn't deal with. I was uncomfortable. It has taken me a lot of introspection to determine what caused this horripilation of my psyche. In order for you to understand this better, I have to allow you to see a facet of my relationship with Matt.

Matt and I are mainlining pop-culture in the most unhealthy of ways. It is apparent that a lot of the classy angles of pop-culture (literature, decent film, mainstream music) are not what we are into. Matt and I tear into the seedy underbelly of what people are feeding on. I must say that he is much more disciplined in his pop-culture abuse than I am; but I am there with him, shooting up fairly regularly. Who am I really kidding though? there is a market for the trash that Matt and I have been feeding on. If there were no market, there would be no current blog about the subjects that I am about to break down.

It started years ago with things like watching BUMFIGHTS and Iraq execution videos online. We would wince and wonder what inspired people to film such jacked up moments and submit them. We would wonder who these people were who were feeding on this stuff. I remember wrestling with the Iraq execution vids and wondering if the head held out in front of the camera was real or a special effect. We wondered why. I wondered why. I would haunt ogreish and score stuff just to the left of sanity. There was some truth underneath it all, and I wanted to secure it. Little did we know that we were soon to become those very people who would be known as, "those that feed at that trough.".

The Steve-O vids, Jackass and a plethora of sub-par cinema that is funny in one way or another to a certain crowd has been our forte. But there have been nights when I have gone to sleep feeling sorry for poor Mr. Steve-O and wondering what turn his life took that he would actually drink the beer that ran down a strange man's asscrack. If Matt and I were watching movies in the theatre, they tended to be the mainstream ones that people talked smack about. There is some class in what we are doing, but like I said, that itch really got to me and forced an internal assessment that I really had never planned on.

So, yesterday, as I left Matt's place itching again, I knew what that itch was about.
BEING MADE TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE.

Oh, I know, it isn't too much of a revelation; but we need to check the issues at hand here.

Years ago (well, 2) I watched the Ricky Gervais' OFFICE in its entirety. Back to back to back. My conclusion was that the humor was all about making the audience uncomfortable. The funniest things in that show all had to do with people saying too much, or too little in situations that needed specific reactions. I have since tried to do the same with the American version of the OFFICE, but 40-year-old virgin makes me so uncomfortable that I simply can't do it.

2 weeks ago in Missouri, I had a similar twinge of this uncomfortabliltity. I was watching AMERICAN IDOL at the bar. The show is a rather mean-spirited visitation of mediocrity upon the American tv-viewing public. There are these poor fools trying to cut it on the show, with all of these mean-spirited odds against them. What is uncomfortable is when you see someone who really sucks at what they are doing. You hear bad their musical notes. You see their dance mis-steps. You hear that Simon-bastard judge telling people in the coldest, most venomous terms that they really suck and to get the hell out. Those that succeed the bloodletting are strung on until the last possible sane second before they are told that they have cleared and can move onto the next round.

Those pregnant pauses as they wait to tell the performers and the audience at the same time are what (I think) drives people back to the show. Sure there is a musical backdrop, and some people are going to actually buy the albums when the show is over, but in order to keep the tv audience riveted, they make them UNCOMFORTABLE.

So I was at Matt's a few weeks ago and he wanted to play me the boxed first season of BBC's EXTRAS. Ricky Gervais is at it again, and needless to say, I was uncomfortable as hell. EXTRAS is more of people simply opening their mouths and saying more than they should ever say and then backtracking, or not. A key uncomfortable situation had Ricky Gervais at a prayer meeting. he had lied to a girl and told her that he was Catholic. She in turn invited him to a party. The party was the prayer meeting. Ricky then proceeds to lie about his parish, his confirmation saint and the priest of the imaginary imaginary parish. The priest running the show asks Ricky about it, and he proceeds to admit it. He admits that he simply told these lies in order to get closer to the woman who brought him there. Understand that Ricky Gervais is delicate looking and you already feel sorry for him because his very demeanor demands empathy.

And there we have it; the key word of this entire post: EMPATHY. if you have no empathy, then you probably won't feel the itch that I speak of. I suppose you also have to have the stomach to put yourself through such things.

Something about reality TV and TV in general and how it makes me so damn uncomfortable.

So yesterday, Matt walked me through a reality TV show on VH1 called The White Rapper Show. I finally stepped up my game and told him, after MC Serch (of POP GOES THE WEASEL fame) did his third or fourth "woo-WOOO" call for someone offstage. It sounded fake and impersonal. It sounded like Serch was trying to be something that he is not. Then, as I watched the show, i saw all of these kids trying to be something that they were not. Sure, white guys can rap. But rap then. Don't posture and pose like you are something else. This got more and more painful and tedious to watch. Color was the issue. the whole show was based on the color issue. During a freestyle battle, the black rappers reminded these white guys that they were indeed white. I was really itching. These white guys were putting in their time for their $100,000 prize money, but at what cost? And when one of them flubbed his rap, or if his gold teeth fell into his mouth mid-rap and he had to recover in front of a tough crowd? I was made uncomfortable again.

So what is this all about? What is this feeding on uncomfortable moments all about? Are we supposed to feel what the contestants of these reality tv shows are going through? Is that where the juice is? Am I supposed to feel for Ricky Gervais when he slips up and totally puts a gay intern in his place? Who am I supposed to feel for? What is the proper reaction to this stuff? Matt and I discussed it and he revealed that at times it gets so bad for him that he has to leave the room. Or he has to get up and walk around, to shake this nasty feeling off.

My empathy is wielded against me and exploited with this stuff. But for some reason, this really is the flavor of the moment. It is the flavor of the moment, and I am learning to live with this flavor, however itchy it is.