Monday, June 25, 2007

DO THA FOKKIN MATH


Let me preface this by saying that years ago (about 6) I was on a junket in San Diego with a bunch of fellow educators. We were playing this game where you had to tell the truth when it was requested. It eventually turned out that most of the questions were sexual. They all had to do with whether you'd had a venereal disease before or whether you had achieved some sort of sexual something or other. I lost respect for all of the people who I wound out playing this game with. My self-loathing at that time was at an all-time high, and the trip culminated with a fistfight between me and another male teacher (whose ass I kicked in front of his girlfriend).
We left this junket and went back to teaching at the high school that we all worked at. To date, I have constantly wrestled internally based on the knowledge wrought on that trip. If we want our kids to behave, yet we ourselves are pigs and humans of the lowest degree possible, how can we expect them to rise above our shortcomings? How could I trust these male teachers that I know were saddled with serious misogyny issues to give their girls in their classes a fair shake? How could I trust the male teachers who had spoken of the students that they would "do" not to actually pursue the "doing" and keep it all within some alcohol laden context within the hotel next to the airfield where they filmed HEAT?
How could I trust the female teachers not to "put it out there" for their male students over 18 as they had promised? I learned later than the female teachers had less inhibitions than the male teachers. One in particular chose her 18 year old yearly (probably still does), and helped the liaison to happen as a graduation gift.
What kind of man would I be if Ms. Merrill, my English teacher that I was madly in love with had actually seduced me?
It is with these types of thoughts that I present this questionnaire to you. Read on. This is the painful stuff. I have been posting it at my various haunts and run across people who have hit the 800+ dollar range. I, however did my math and got to $395.60

Good memories, and some that I wish weren't memories. The bottom line is that we as Americans are obsessed with our sex. That is the basis for this questionnaire following. We are obsessed, and we are sort of proud of it. We also need that realm of mystery...so we don't have to admit to anything. Take the poll below, please. Someone please score higher than I did, thankyou:


You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. And no, no one is going to pay you. This is between you, your brains and your loins.


Smoked pot -- $10

Did acid -- $5

Ever had sex at church -- $25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40

Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25

Had sex for money -- $100

Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- $20

Vandalized something -- $20

Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10

Beat up someone -- $20

Been jumped -- $10

Crossed dressed $10

Given money to stripper -- $25

Been in love with a stripper -- $20

Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10

Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15

Ever drive drunk -- $20

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50

Used toys while having sex -- $30

Got drunk, passed out and don' t remember the night before $20

Gone skinny dipping -- $5

Had sex in a pool -- $20

Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20

Cheated on your significant other -- $10

Masturbated -- $10

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20

Done oral -- $5

Got oral $5

Got oral in a car while it was moving $25

Stole something -- $10

Had sex with someone in jail -- $25

Made a nasty home video -- $15

Had a threesome -- $50

Had sex in the wild -- $20

Been in the same room while someone was having sex $25

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars $20

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25

Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50

Said you love someone but didn' t mean it -- $25

Went streaking -- $5

Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15

Had sex with two people of the opposite sex at the same time --$60.30

Been arrested -- $5

Spent time in jail -- $15

Peed in the pool -- $0.50

Played spin the bottle -- $5

Done something you regret -- $20

Had sex with your best friend $20

Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25

Had anal sex -- $80

Lied to your mate -- $5

Lied to your mate about the sex being good - $25