Saturday, March 03, 2007

Ghost Rider: a conversation



Ghost Rider. I was mildly hyped for the pelicula. I hate Nic Cage with a passion that rivals my hatred of...say...you know what? I think Nic Cage gets the absolute brunt of my hate. Well, it is not actually hate, it is a strong dislike and...anyway. Ghost Rider. The number one movie in the nation. It was an unfortunate series of circumstances that stopped me from seeing it on release day. I had hopes. I mean Peter Fonda was up in there. I thought that the Peter Fonda thing was funny because of the Easy Rider thing. But now is bitter post-coital post-cinema afterglow, I think that Dennis Hopper would have been better.

What I am trying to say here is that I pirated a copy of the Ghost Rider and watched it on this very laptop I am typing into now. The pirated copy was dope. [Digression] It seems that the harder the RIAA cracks down on piracy, the better the rips become. RIAA. Puh-leese. [Digression #2] The reason why there is rampant piracy of films like this one and stuff like THE HITCHER (another laptop showing) is because movies suck so hard these days. [Digression #3] If Ghost Rider and THE HITCHER were decent flicks, they would get the piracy and the ticket sales. I get into the fact that Ghost Rider is the #1 movie in America later. [Digression #4] I will say that I have started a "desktop showing of [put a decent movie title here]," and then stopped halfway through to go and see the thing in the theatre. I am a pirate with a conscience. If it is good, they will get my money. I have Snakes on a Plane in DVD format, but I also have an illegal rip of it on my laptop, because I don't feel like carrying the DVD everywhere. But that is another digression.

Ghost Rider sucked. It sucked hard. The effects were top tier though. Enclosed is an online conversation that I had that sums it up pretty good. Once again, I am the Muphukka:

Muphukka: I DL'ed it and scrolled through the money shots last night. It is amazing how much they spent on this thing and how fucked up it is. SO much wasted talent. Sam Elliot is better than this. Peter Fonda is better too. Nic Cage is not, because he tends to act in shitty movies.

I watched it for free and I feel ripped off.

The best scene was the emo chick describing how GR's head was aflame.

Jrtien: I watched Ghost Rider last night, and even though I heard it had bad reviews I really, really enjoyed it. The movie had really good sfx (which is expected) and the story was pretty entertaining. I also liked that they seemed to stay pretty faithful to the story of Ghost Rider.
Out of all the superheroes I think Ghost Rider is one of the most broken, because he just seems unbeatable if his opponent has a soul.
Anyway though I didn't see anyone mention this movie on here so I thought I would. If you like monsters, motorcycles, and a woman so fine that you'll be thinking about her long after the credits, then check it out.

Muphukka: RIding up and down the side of the building and pwning the helicopter was worth the download.

So was Mendez by the way.

The rest of the movie sucked Prairie nuts.

Jrtien:I think a lot of people forget why you go to the movies sometimes. It's to enjoy it! We're all critics, but sometimes being too critical is a bad thing.

What get's me though is that people seemed to go much easier on the shitty Superman movie. Ghostrider kicked ass compared to that. Superman was like watching one of the old movies. Nothing cool really happenned, and his enemyies didn't even have powers. Worst of all he wore metro-sexual boots. That messed the whole thing up.

If you couldn't appreciate Punisher, then it just shows that you can't appreciate a decent story. Punisher went above and beyond my expectations...

Muphukka:WHat were you expecting? Complete shit?

Jrtien:Why don't you tell me what's wrong with it?

Muphukka: For starters: THE DIALOGUE.

Completely wack.

COMPLETELY.

Mephistopholes: "Your father will be healthy as a horse."
(Just about everything that Peter Fonda had to say was completely wack.)

next morning

Old Man:"I feel healthy as a horse."

GR: "You're pissing me off."

Please don't request more of this. I can remember this, but I will have to pull the file out of my recycle bin if you want to split hairs on this issue.


DIALOGUE SUCKS COMPLETE DICK IN THIS FLICK.

Rebuttal? Then I will go to another part of this absolute suckfest.

Keep in mind that I felt the FX were top of the muphukkin line.

Jrtien: I think you just expected a little too much out of it. It was meant to have a certain amount of corniness too it. I mean who watches, or reads Ghost Rider for the dialogue? I think we were lucky to get what we did...
I started getting annoyed with him pointing at Mephisto all the time, but after a minute I liked it. Why? Because it's corny. When a hero acts corny as fuck, and then kicks a villains ass it's like rubbing salt into their open wounds. I think it was meant to be that way...
If you've seen Fist of The North star you'll see it too, but in a different way. Every episode the guy gets pissed and flex/rips his shirt, and jacket to fuck, then kills the villain making a bunch of silly ass Bruce Lee noises "Wataaah!" Next scene he's wearing the exact same shirt, and jacket, and there is no logical reason for it. Corny as hell, but when you get over it, you can smile a bit and get a kick out of it.

Muphukka: I appreciate your take on "campiness for campiness' sake." I honestly was mentally prepped for something a little more serious. Like you said, I expected too much out of it. If it had been marketed as a "horror comedy" or something, then maybe it would have done better with me. Nic Cage has an Academy Award for fux sake, I was expecting something better.

But then again, it is the #1 movie in America. This means one of 2 things:

#1. There is some actual merit to this thing
or
#2. We as a filmgoing public have lowered our standards to a point where we praise absolute shit.

I keep on pulling for #1, but #2 is staring me in the face, brutally.

I find what you said about the Punisher interesting. What I appreciated about the Punisher was the one scene where he got his ass totally tossed by that Russian. You know, the barrel of his gun gets bent and he flies through walls and then down the stairs? That was the scene that did it for me. The rest of the film was a wash IMO. Ghost Rider has the same sort of feel. The ride to the top of the skyscraper, the helicopter pwnage and the subsequent cop pwnage at the bottom are the money for me. The rest is dismissable.

It is kind of like getting a CD with only 1 or 2 good songs on it. There are 60-80 minutes of music that you just can't deal with...but there are those beats in that one song that you cue up again and again and again.


I haven't seen FIST OF THE NORTH STAR in...fok...more than 5 years. Perhaps I should fire it up to draw the parallel that you speak of.

I think I am gonna go see that racist-assed Black Snake Moan tonight. I'll be back.