Wednesday, December 20, 2006


I am going to rant now. You can suffer through it or get off of this page. I am going to talk about a man who is dead. I am not going to say anything nice about him. As a matter of fact, I will say that this man is similar to the "child-catcher" in the original CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY. This is a man peddling the cheapest of candy, and somehow, people are looking at his corpse with fond memories. I don't really want to piss on his corpse, but I want to explore how ugly it is. I want to pull his entrails out and point at them and show you what a tumor this man was. I want to show you how he and his buddy managed to compromise American pop culture and somehow be respected for it. I am attacking his body of work, and I am calling the man a sellout and a bastard of the worst sort.

All over my haunts of late, people are talking about this Joseph Barbera guy and how much he meant to them. They are pointing out the fact that he brought some of the best cartoons to life. How their lives have been enhanced by Joseph Barbera. I have been heading these mediocrity slaves off at the pass. But before I put here what I have been putting elsewhere, lemme give you a little history on the dead sellout who died on the 19th. This is ripped straight off of the NY consider it footnoted:

Joseph Barbera, an innovator of animation who teamed with William Hanna to give generations of young television viewers a pantheon of beloved characters, including Tom and Jerry, Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound and the Flintstones, died yesterday at his home in Los Angeles. He was 95.

Mr. Barbera and the studio he founded with Mr. Hanna, Hanna-Barbera Productions, became synonymous with television animation, yielding more than 100 cartoon series over four decades, including “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?,” “Jonny Quest” and “The Smurfs.”

On signature televisions shows like “The Flintstones” and “The Jetsons,” the two men developed a cartoon style that combined colorful, simply drawn characters (often based on other recognizable pop-culture personalities) with the narrative structures and joke-telling techniques of traditional live-action sitcoms. They were television’s first animated comedy programs.

Before that, Mr. Barbera and Mr. Hanna had worked together on more than 120 hand-drawn cartoon shorts for MGM, dozens of which starred the archetypal cat-and-mouse team Tom and Jerry. The Hanna-Barbera collaboration lasted more than 60 years. The critic Leonard Maltin, in his book “Of Mice and Magic: A History of American Animated Cartoons,” wrote that Mr. Barbera’s strength was more in his drawing and gag writing while Mr. Hanna had a good sense of comic timing and giving characters warmth.

Mr. Barbera’s influence can be found today in prime-time animated series like “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy” and in cartoons that satirize the Hanna-Barbera style, including “The Venture Brothers” and “Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.” His own work continues to be seen on the cable channel Boomerang, which broadcasts vintage Hanna-Barbera programming 24 hours a day.

Though he was often asked to explain the enduring popularity of his cartoons, Mr. Barbera was reluctant to subject his life’s work to close analysis. “To me it makes little sense to talk about the cartoons we did,” he wrote in a 1994 autobiography, “My Life in ‘Toons: From Flatbush to Bedrock in Under a Century.” “The way to appreciate them is to see them.”

This is all fine and dandy, but this man should have been shot for his reprehensible attack on American society. He was a pusher of the worst kind of mediocrity.
You think I am wrong? Here is a lengthy, cursory list of some of this man's crimes. Before I type it out though, you have to do something: You have to realize that when I damn your favorite cartoon series, that it wasn't that good anyway. You have to realize that what you feel towards said cartoon could be justifiable if Mr. Barbera hadn't been such a prolific hack. Someone please tell me that this guy was after art more than money. I freaking dare you.
Here goes:

Tom and Jerry
Flintstones and all related F-stone franchises
Magilla Gorilla
Quickdraw McGraw
Hucleberry Hound
Yogi Bear
Jonny Quest
Space Ghost
Scooby Doo and all S-Doo franchises
Dastardly and Muttley
Lippy the Lion and Hardy Har Har
Speed Buggy
Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch
Casper and his Angels
The Shmoo
Richie Rich

Now let's look at all of the toy/commercial related sell-out moves:
Pac Man
Super Friends
Fantastic Four (remember that little robot? OMG I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW).
Haelem Globetrotters
The Banana Splits
Kiss Meets the Phantom (yes, the slutty movie)
Go Bots
and countless others

I could go on and on about how most of these figure into some part of my childhood. But you know what? I was FOKKING ROBBED. I don't know how I can justify any of that above stuff. Here is an online rant that I made with some Barbera sympathizers and how I handled their mediocrity-loving asses accordingly. I understand that I come on a little strong to these fools, but they need that slap of cold water in order to get the ball rolling (I am Muphukka BTW):

Guy: The Barbera half of Hanna-Barbera is now resting in power. Too bad, I like cartoons n shit. Catch you on the other side cartoon guy...

Muphukka:He was good back when he was with Disney. But then he moved on, and became a sellout bitch. Barbera makin' dollars. That's what he was about. Art? Art was the furthest thing from that dead bitches mind. He was all about the money.

Hanna-Barbera made some of the sluttiest cartoons known to man. Those people cut corners and made that laugh-track that we all know.


You want to talk animator? Let's talk about RAY FUCKING HARRYHAUSEN


Killafox:Did he touch you as a child??

RIP Flinstones was tha shit!!

Muphukka:Nahhh, if he'd touched me, I would own this thread, LITERALLY.

You gonna tell me that the Flintstones was really worthwhile? It is fun to ponder the concept, but have you ever sat through an episode?



Don Bluth's jockstrap pwns Barbera, and you probably have no idea what I am talking about there, Foxxxy.

Guy: True, Hanna-Barbera cartoons were a little bit shoddy, but when you're a shorty watching it you don't give a shit about all that. You just watch it because it's cartoons. There are a million animators out there that do better work than Hanna-Barbera, but don't hate. Hanna-Barberra is part of growing up. My lil baby sister still loves the hell out of Scooby Doo.

Muphukka:You're right. What this culture needs is more celebration of unabashed mediocrity.

I made my point. Really. I don't want to piss on the man's grave or anything, I have always thought that Hanna-Barbera were capable of soooo much more.

Guc11:Like it or dont,there is a FACT: They were(are legends).

That's all.I grew up on T & J.I don't like it now but back in my past,it was part of my life.Yes there are more talented animators in today's world who make bloody cartoons filled with rude and sarcastic stuff.Well I think if you'll had children you don't want to see them any of today's bullfuck.Full with action,blood bodey parts every where.I don't say that you must show Teletubbies to you kids because that's horrible.
Jusr...oh never mind...

JfSr -L-

Muphukka:Remember that big arena rock band called KISS? Like them or not, they were legends.


That is the point I am trying to make here.

Yamakazi(sic):How about taking it to it's own thread though? Not disrespecting your opinion, it's just not the kinda stuff for a obituary/condolences/mourning thread.

Muphukka:You're right dude, I should start a HANNA BARBARA SPAM THREAD.


My condolences

And that is all I had to say to those people.

Cartoons don't have to be crap. I have a harddrive that I am typing on full of Donald Duck cartoons. That stuff is classy. That stuff is funny, and that stuff is well animated, voiced and produced. Yeah, I enjoyed LIPPY THE LION AND HARDY HAR HAR as a kid, but I would have enjoyed just about anything that Disney produced in the same era BETTER.

Ding dong, Barbera is dead. Now we need to see Sid and Mart Krofft go. Don't even tell me that there is anything redeemable about those bitches, they have sinned harder than Hanna and Barbera.

Rant over