Friday, June 16, 2006


Toddy said the following not too long ago:
Pretty soon, when I get time, I am going to sit down and read all of your latest entries. But damn, can't you write a haiku or something every once in a while?

Great idea mang!
Here you go:

Toddy wants haiku
leaves, big trees and a cute frog
There Toddy, enjoy

But on the forilla, Toddy, you have inspired me. You have inspired me to put up my old "splatter-ku" that I used to teach my 10th grade classes to write. You ever try to inspire a sophomore to write poetry? It is about as successful as you pointing a shotgun at your testicles and pulling the trigger while sober. This isn't going to happen. You can't do it. Now if you really wanted to blow your testicles off, you would have to trick yourself...or get drunk or something. It was the same way with teaching poetry to sophomores. Trickery, man. I couldn't get them drunk, so I had to make them look like fun. Dammit, they are fun. These haikus are all about trickery.

Understand that Haikus are supposed to be concerned with nature. That is great, but I have never made it through more than four Basho Haikus in a row without vomiting POINT BLANK.

Each splatterku has a story, but Toddy wants this maybe I will elaborate later:

Decomposing fish
scales mouldy and wet
slips under my foot

Yellow urine stains
the tire of the parked red truck
territory held

Bullets rip on through
the strong spine of the grown deer
violent life-spasm

Swelling hard pustule
in the center of his face
erupts blood and ooze

Peeing man falls, plash
into a foul, public pit
Outhouse rescue please

Foul smelly possum
eating trash with family

Undercooked pork steak
served hot with barbecue sauce
colon parasites

gaping bleached cat skull
grins from its brown gutter grave
disrespected corpse